Blog 13

Joy, Discernment, Changing Paths

It is mid July, and I decided to set my intention for this month as “Joy.” The intention was inspired by a music festival that I went to at the end of June while taking some time away from work and normal life. It had been quite awhile since I had gone to a music festival, something I did quite a bit in my early 20s, but it reminded me of life being “fun.” Not that I don’t have fun in my life now, but I very much noticed that my perspective on life was different now than in my early 20s. 

Life had taken on a seriousness with it over the last few years. Especially while growing a business and brand. Covid-19 had also shut down the world and a couple of family health scares had darkened my overall perspective on life, leaving me with the pressure to start being more responsible. “Time to grow up,” I told myself. 

EDM music festivals are like playgrounds for adults. People dress up in all types of fun clothes and costumes; flowers sprouting from hair clips on their heads, luminous fairy wings, elegant butterfly sunglasses. The environment encourages an over the top friendliness to everyone around. What is normal in the festival, would come off as strange in the everyday world of our modern society. People yell from across tents, “I love your outfit!” With gleaming smiles and childlike excitement. Others walk around handing out toys and trinkets if you did a kind thing or they like your festival fit for the day. And those exchanges are happening constantly as you walk around both the camping grounds and festival areas. 

The attendees may run around with glee, hopping, and skipping. A bounding excitement for the music and the night to come. It is filled with adults who are re-connecting to their inner child. And it is the most joyous and upbeat place, except for maybe a children’s playground. 

And when I was there, I was remembering what living life with fun felt like. It was freeing and healing to my soul that had been so hardened by the difficulties of life. As the weekend continued, I felt calmer, more compassionate, more creative, and connected with the world around me. I realized, “This is what life is supposed to feel like.” 

Not faking happiness or neglecting the difficulties of life, but also living with joy and deeply connecting with those around you. It really exposed the coldness of the modern world that we live in today, where especially in a big city, it is almost rude to even acknowledge another human walking down the street. Or that everyone is just rushing to get somewhere, so there is no time for a genuine compliment, a small conversation, or even a real human smile. Not that this never happens. I have friendly conversations with my neighbours on my way out, or sometimes me and a stranger will awkwardly make eye contact, and we will acknowledge each other with a quick smile. But these interactions feel far from the everyday norm.

I could feel a coldness coming back into the real world. So many straight faces on the street. Feeling the awkward attempt of adults trying so hard to fit into corporate suits and play a part in the world. The strain of someone’s voice trying to conduct business, while dealing with some soul crushing heartbreak, or tremendous grief. 

So I felt a little down when I came back, noticing this non-genuine, societal standard of the way people live in the modern world. When people feel they are in an environment that pretty much does not care how you dress or act, even encourages this childlike playfulness, you notice this explosion of creative expression. This hum of childlike energy, excitement, and zest for life. 

I won’t say I am not a part of this non-genuine way of conducting myself in the world as an adult. Although I am very aware of it, especially now. Especially from an experience at the festival, during a yoga class, where we were asked to look into the eyes of a complete stranger for probably a couple of minutes. A deeply uncomfortable and “woo-woo” experience, but also profoundly impactful. It is rare to maintain this level of eye contact with a complete stranger, ever. On the fourth and last day, me and this girl who I never met both broke down crying because that feeling of connection with our fellow humans is so foreign in our everyday world. It felt like all at once an extremely thick iciness of protection in my chest melted under the blazing sun, and long held emotions no longer had this wall of protection to hide behind.  The experience felt deeply exposing and vulnerable, almost violating, but also extremely heart opening and intimate, expanding my ability for compassion. And it exposed the profound lack of connection that we have with other humans, beings, and the world around us. 

So that all factored into my intention to focus on joy going forward. It felt like absolutely nothing else made sense. That is the birthplace of ecstatic creativity. But it also does not negate the pain and sorrow of life. When we can even hold those in joy. Because joy is not toxic positivity, or fake happiness. Joy is the embodiment of being alive and present to everything in the moment. Joy is holding every experience in love and deep reverence for it as it all has something to teach us. Joy is feeling overwhelmed with a deep sense of meaning and purpose, to this planet and humanity. 

And as I reflected on this, I knew there were changes that needed to take place in my life over the coming year, but when I got back, they happened rapidly; sweeping through my life with overwhelming discernment, clearing out what does not align with this expansive definition of joy. 

I realized that a lot of my work was draining me and leaving me burnt out. It was dwindling the creativity of my soul. So I decided that anything that felt draining had to be completely disposed of. It just had no place in my life anymore. It felt as if the money did not even matter. If it did not bring me joy, there was just this strong intuitive urge to clear it out. 

As I cleared out more and more of what I knew in my core is not my actual purpose on this planet, this raging clarity came through with project after project that I just felt had to be completed. I felt I couldn’t contain the excitement and like I need to do them all now. But I had to pace myself also, realizing that there is time. 

It felt ideas were pushing through the surface, because I was finally paying attention to what was really trying to come through. No longer did surface level things like money, or appearing successful feel important. Although I do want to be financially successful, it felt that where that money was actually coming from and its purpose in serving me is incredibly important. 

Creativity became a priority, because as artists our life source is our creative joy. When we cannot express our actual creativity as artists, we will shrivel up and almost disappear. So although money is still important, and I still would like an abundance of it, a brand that actually feels like it is fulfilling my purpose became much more important. Because a brand that brings joy, provides me not just with happiness, but it is my connection to humanity, creativity, passion, and excitement for life. And as money will help will with the basic necessities of life, plus some more, this concept of joy is what will actually keep me alive to fulfill my purpose here. So as much as life should be taken with seriousness in certain moments, we must not forget the wisdom of living life like a child. Because when we live life like children, the world becomes our playground, and strangers become our best friends.